A Father's Quest: A Christmas Story
by Emerald Dynamo
Summary: (3rd Genre is Adventure, for the record. My entry for FrenchMarioBros' Christmas Wonderland Contest.) Bowser has spent all of his hard-earned Smash Coins to buy presents of some kind! But the Smashers think he's scheming and take them away, scattering them throughout the Mario Universe! With Mewtwo's help, will the Koopa King be able to reclaim his gifts in time for Christmas?
1. Chapter 1: Exposition Inbound

**DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I do not own any installment of Super Smash Bros. If I did, well... the roster would be less inventive, but at least there would be Inklings and an Inkopolis City stage (with Callie and Marie in the background - it would be cool), as well as Chibi-Robo (I voted for the little 'bot in the Smash Ballot - he could even use Living Room as his home stage in the 3DS version!). Secondly, if you're looking for a story that makes fun of itself and you're just looking for a good time and a decent read with some time to kill, this is a story for you.**

 **... So anyways, this is my entry for FrenchMarioBros' Christmas Contest... at least, the first chapter of it, anyways.**

 **Why have I been mysteriously absent from writing, you may ask?**

 **One word, overused as an excuse by Fanfiction authors the world over:**

 **College.**

 **Nevertheless, I'm posting this story now. I thought it would be cool to include Bowser, since there's not a ton of fanfics on him as there are on characters from other franchises...**

 ***coughFireEmblemcough***

 **Aaaanyways, personal preference aside, here goes. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **A Father's Quest, Chapter 1: Exposition Inbound**

The portal room of the Smash Complex was often very busy around Christmastime as different fighters attended to their gifts, and the most used one was definitely the Smashville portal - Not only did the stores sell conveniences like snacks, but some stores carried items found in shops from other worlds, some even from Non-Nintendo universes (though, Master Hand had cracked down on them significantly after Link had been caught with a Summon mana crystal from the Final Fantasy Universe on Final Destination). Today, December 23rd, was no exception. One such customer, Bowser, stepped out of a portal, clutching an oddly wrapped, thin, long package in his hand, wrapped in black wrapping paper with a red Koopa Clan insignia, his trademark.

 _"Well, if we're not doing a Secret Santa this year (which is a real shame, since I've never gotten Peach before), there's no point in concealing that I'm the one giving these gifts..."_ He thought to himself.

As the King of Koopas walked out of the portal room, actually grinning, a pair of eyes watched suspiciously from the ventilation shaft, narrowing as they saw Bowser's expression.

"Are you sure it's a scheme this time, Mario?" who else but Solid Snake whispered into a walkie-talkie. "And I still don't understand why we couldn't just use my codec to talk- it's more secure and I don't need to try and reach back to grab my belt from here... it's pretty cramped."

An easily recognizable voice on the other end of the line quickly responded, "Of-a course it's a scheme! Every single Christmas, it's-a the same deal! The one present for Peach that nobody else-a claims is a trap to capture the princess-a! It was that way even during-a Melee!"

Snake merely sighed. "If you say so. Still, you do raise a good point, since he's been out "shopping" a lot these past few weeks. I'm not sure why you haven't taken action again before this, though."

Mario sighed as well. "It's all-a just been too hectic, with-a the gift shopping and-a the decorating... but this year, we all-a planned ahead! Now we have enough semi-evidence to put our plan into motion!"

Snake just shook his head. "Well, I hope you 8 are satisfied with your plan... because I still expect my payment."

Mario just huffed. "Yes, yes... Enough-a matches off to get a date with Samus... I still-a don't know how that'll work out."

Snake smirked. "Quite frankly, neither do I... but that's a predicament for another day. My work here is done."

Mario nodded, placing his own walkie-talkie down on a round oak table, surrounded by filled chairs.

"I trust-a you all got the gist of the conversation, then?" Mario asked.

Seven nods followed his statement, and the red-capped plumber set both hands on the table.

"Very well-a, then. Operation Anti-Scheme is-a a go!"

...

Bowser set down the oddly shaped package in his room next to seven other similarly wrapped packages, nodding appreciatively at his handiwork.

"They'll never see it coming..." He spoke before turning around, walking towards the cafeteria as his stomach elicited a convenient, stentorian gurgle.

Of course, since this was a story based on a string of convenient circumstances, Bowser left his door slightly ajar and a nearby figure heard his entire sentence, whose face was soon wrapped in concern and anger. The figure lifted the walkie-talkie up to his mouth and spoke.

"So you're telling me I can't stop for a chili dog before this?"

"No, Sonic! Just implement-a the plan!"

The blue hedgehog shook his head with a bit of a grimace before responding.

"Sheesh; alright. No need to be such a jerk about it..."

Sonic motioned to another imposing figure, who flexed his muscles as his anime-style, triangle-like, white eyes burned a figurative hole into where the Koopa had just walked away.

"We'll never see it coming, huh? That reptilian scum is gonna get it!"

Sonic just rolled his eyes at his accomplice's reply.

"Yeah, yeah... we get it, Captain Dweeb."

The imposing figure's head twitched before he glowered at Sonic.

"For the last time, my secret agent codename is Falcon x Falcon, the greatest Falcon in the world!"

Sonic smirked. "Oh yeah... the name that sounds like some kind of awkward Fanfiction pairing."

Captain Falcon just said two words.

"Sonic. OCs."

Sonic visibly shuddered.

"Touché. Now let's get this show on the road, uh... Falcon x Falcon."

Captain Falcon nodded before saying, "H'yes! Let's go for the disrespect!" before rushing towards the Koopa's room.

Sonic sweatdropped before mentioning, "Well, at least he's motivated."

The two speedy characters dashed towards the Koopa's room, growing closer and closer... just like the abrupt ellipsis.

...

Bowser had just finished a satisfying meal of not-so-stereotypical cafeteria food: a rather large bowl of potatoes au gratin, butterfly-cut, pan-seared fish, fifteen cheeseburgers, and an entire devil's food cake.

 **(Oh, you thought I was going to make a video game reference there, huh? Well, I would, but I'm writing this while hungry. So better luck next chapter.)**

After reaching the main hall of the Complex, since the only way to reach his room was through there **(again, plot convenience)** , he was stopped by a sweaty white palm.

"Well, it's about time!" a stentorian voice bellowed throughout the room.

Bowser cringed. "Oh... crazy Hand... what is it you want with me?"

The hand, clearly miffed, poked him in the chest, sending him backwards. Fortunately, since the Smash rules still applied, he teched the landing in place, righting himself only moments after impact.

"I am the Master Hand, you blind Koopa!"

Bowser shook his head.

"No; I was just saying that you were crazy for confronting me, of all the fighters in the roster, with an angry mob! I'm probably one of the worst fighters here; why do you need them to talk to me?"

Sure enough, standing behind the Hand was a group of upset Smashers, all holding their weapons up high (Master Hand was sweating due to the proximity of a Fire Rod that Robin [the female, to be precise - I've a different name for the male, which you'll see when he comes up] had somehow managed to get a hold of).

Master Hand continued, "Well, I've been informed of yet another of your schemes to kidnap the princess, and I've decided it's high time to perform an intervention! The folks behind me are just there as extra insurance in case you don't cooperate. I have a good amount of evidence that you've been setting up an elaborate plan all this time!"

Bowser was aghast. "B-but... I swear, I don't have any materials for that sort of thing! There's no way-"

Master Hand interrupted, "I have been informed that you have gone out shopping on several different occasions, which is plenty of time to gain some resources for use in your trap... Which is why I have decided to confiscate your presents. As we speak, they are being held in my office... where..."

Master Hand panicked, teleporting out in a burst of light. Bowser and the others shielded their eyes before the angry mob set their glares upon him.

Robin began with, "You have no right to go after the princess!"

Little Mac just nodded in approval at Robin's words.

Zelda mentioned, "Agreed. Your antics year after year have gone on long enough!"

Lucina tagged in with, "I don't care whether you were created for that purpose; we're supposed to be enjoying ourselves in this location, and you not challenging your fate is, frankly, sickening!"

The others in the group were a little shocked at the ferocity of Lucina's outcry, but it was somewhat understandable, considering where she had come from.

However, after a moment, Master Hand teleported back in, pointing at Bowser.

"Well, this originally wasn't part of my plan, but Crazy Hand split up the pieces of your... whatever you had planned all around the Mushroom Kingdom. I suppose that's a fitting, if not harsh punishment for your actions, both this year and before."

He waved his fingers at the mob, ordering them to disperse (which they did in a timely fashion), before teleporting away yet again.

Bowser was left dumbfounded. All the work he had done, all the money he had spent, all the time he had put in... was completely and totally wasted.

And the worst part? He wasn't actually planning to kidnap Peach this year.

...  
After confirming that the presents were actually gone, Bowser walked back towards the game room, the typical hangout outside of matches (filled with what else but pool, ping-pong, and foosball tables, several T.V.s of various models, and various Nintendo systems... with practically every game available except for Super Smash Bros. I wonder why that is...?). On his way, he received dirty looks from many of the other Smashers, including Luigi (no, not the death stare... but it was still... kinda intimidating, I guess?), Rosalina (whose expression was more disappointment than anger), R.O.B. (actually, how the heck could he tell? beats me...), Ike (who, as you'd expect, made sure that Bowser would get no sympathy from him), and several others. However, the oddest part of his trip was when he came across Ganondorf, who appeared somewhat downcast, and even went so far as to pat him on the shoulder.

"Better luck next scheme." He simply stated before walking away, muttering, "Kinda lame he got himself caught, though."

Bowser was more and more confused.

"Rumors are spreading like wildfire..." Bowser bemoaned.

As soon as he reached the game room, he opened the door, only to find that everyone currently inside the room had a piercing gaze directed at him.

"Out. Now." Marth ordered.

Bowser, not wanting to make any more trouble, complied begrudgingly, returning his own glare before departing.

As soon as he stepped outside, however, he found his entire field of vision become covered with a purplish energy, and began to flail around in shock. Once the energy disappeared and he regained his footing, he was met with the back of a tall Pokémon, who only chuckled to itself.

Bowser narrowed his eyes.

"Mewtwo. What is it you want?"

The Psychic-type Pokémon turned around, his eyes glowing light blue for a second before disappearing.

 _"I have already gotten what I wanted,"_ it telepathically spoke. _"I merely wished to ascertain the validity of the rumors that have been spreading around this complex like a horrible epidemic. And now, I know that they are completely and totally false."_

Bowser gave a sigh of relief.

"At least you're on my side. So, I must ask... how are we going to get the gifts back?"

Mewtwo raised an eyebrow in Confusion **(... accidental pun; plz halp!)**.

 _"You are assuming from the outset that I wish to aid you in your quest?"_

Bowser glared at him, clenching his hands into fists.

"Well, if you don't help, no one else will!"

Mewtwo appeared to ponder this fact for a moment before nodding.

 _"Hmm... very well. I suppose I could lend you my support."_

Bowser nodded.

"Noice! Anyways, the way I see it-"

Mewtwo appeared to have an inkling of distaste for that word.

 _"... Noice?"_

Bowser shrugged

"I met a character on my latest excursion who talked like that."

Mewtwo waved it off with one hand.

 _"Fair enough. And, to top it off, I think I have the way to distract Master Hand you were looking for."_

Bowser was dumbstruck for a second, raising a finger to object.

 _"I am a Psychic-type... or did you forget? Now then, give me just a moment..."_

Bowser just stood there in shock as Mewtwo pointed to the side. A few seconds later, another figure appeared, racing down the halls before skidding to a halt right where Mewtwo had pointed.

"So why'd you call me here, huh?" the figure asked.

 _"Ah, Ness... Good. I am going out for a time and I need you to keep the Hands distracted for as long as you can..."_

Ness twisted his cap slightly to the side before nodding.

"What'd ya have in mind?"

If Bowser was dumbfounded before, he was thoroughly shell-shocked now **(Please halp! These horrific puns don't stop!)**.

 _"He- he's just going along with it?!"_ Bowser thought to himself.

Mewtwo appeared to think on this again before nodding.

 _"I suggest booking ten rounds of battles against them on Final Destination."_

Ness's face was aghast.

"That's not possible! No one's been able to survive for that long before! There's no way I'll do it unless-"

Ness trailed off as Mewtwo glared right back at him.

 _"Correct."_

Ness was almost terrified.

"You mean..." he asked, his voice quavering.

 _"I am calling in the favor you owe me for the Threed affair."_

Ness gulped before nodding after a few seconds.

"I... I guess I have no choice, then."

Mewtwo smirked before turning away.

 _"Excellent. Make it a big event, too,with lots of publicity, so the others will be pretty distracted as well."_

The catlike Pokémon motioned to Bowser.

 _"Come along, now. You're lucky you don't owe me for this."_

Bowser just followed after him before, in an instant, they teleported away, leaving Ness with quite the predicament on his hands.

"O... Okay..." Ness muttered before walking back towards the Hands' shared office.

 **...**

 **And there you have it. Chapter 1 complete.**

 **Next time, we learn an important lesson... hunger makes writing less hilarious. I'll keep that in mind.**

 **But in all seriousness, next time, Bowser and Mewtwo's quest in the Mario Universe begins! Will they succeed, with only two days left until Christmas? Will Ness's distraction actually work? What name did I give the male Robin, which claims to be so original from the rest of the site?**

 **Find out on the next installment of A Father's Quest: A Christmas Story!**


	2. C2: How to Save Christmas 101

**So, I've decided to compress most of the rest of my idea into this one chapter, which, for the greater part of it, will take the form of a montage-like highlight reel, similar to the "How to Play SSB4 101 (characters) series from a YouTuber known as Alpharad (which you know I like if you caught the FalconxFalcon reference from the previous chapter).**

 **Thus, this will represent the final chapter to this fic.**

 **However, if you do want more Smash Bros. content from me, I will be willing to write a… prequel of sorts to this universe. In fact, I've already written 14/25 chapters (56% complete) and I have a plan for the rest. It won't be as ridiculous as this (instead representing your typical Smash Brothers adventure-thingy…) but I hope you will read it anyways.**

 **Chapter 2: How to Save Christmas 101 [unofficial]**

As Mewtwo and Bowser warped into the portal room, a disgruntled Sheik was standing there, her arms crossed, waiting expectantly for their entrance.

Bowser immediately gulped. _"Oh no…a high-tier fighter! It's gonna take a miracle to get through this…"_

Sheik uncrossed her arms to reveal that both hands were filled with as many needles as she was able to charge and glared Mewtwo down, who returned her gaze.

"Now, I don't believe we've revealed our intentions here," she began **(yes, in my canon, Sheik is a woman, as Nintendo has been pushing for the last while. Deal with it.)** , "so I'll begin by explaining mine. I was placed here by Master Hand in order to prevent any last-minute ducking out of Christmas festivities… as one of the highest-tier fighters in this tournament, I'm fairly qualified for the job."

Bowser sighed before responding.

"Yeah, yeah; we got that much. We're not stupid…"

" _Sometimes, I wonder…"_ Mewtwo mused, much to Bowser's chagrin.

Sheik shook her head.

"However, I realize that… in light of past events, I do owe Mewtwo a couple of debts, now… and I will consider letting you both pass if you consider… Operation Murasame… even."

She appeared to be almost embarrassed, shifting uneasily as she spoke those two words, almost incredibly out of character for her. Mewtwo allowed itself to smirk.

" _Ah, yes… I remember – the largest favor you owe me. It is a tough deal, considering the struggles I went through to keep you alone for so long with R-"_

Sheik waved her arms vehemently, her face flushed beneath her mask.

"Enough about that! So… do we have a deal?"

Mewtwo pondered this for a moment, then nodded.

" _I suppose that, considering I'm in a hurry and there is little time to negotiate… I will agree to your terms. Do not, however, believe for an instant that your other debts to me are null and void because of this."_

Sheik nodded back, stepping aside.

"I was aware of that from the outset. Now, I suppose I am obligated to wish you good luck and let you pass, at least this time. I am warning you, though… several challenges await you. I was able to gather that much from Snake the last time I fought against him."

Mewtwo smirked.

" _I supposed you were lucky you weren't up against me with the Rules of M enabled – I'm allowed to be somewhat… freer with my powers than in this incarnation."_

Sheik waved his comment off, pointing to the Mushroom Kingdom portal.

"Yeah, yeah… just get a move on before you both are caught, okay?"

Mewtwo nodded, motioning for Bowser to follow him as both of them stepped through the glowing portal.

…

" _10_ rounds? Are you sure about taking that challenge, Ness? The most any character was ever able to take was 12 for Meta Knight back in Brawl, and… to be honest, we both know why that was. Trying to get close to that amount of wins is just… madness!"

Master Hand was, of course, trying to dissuade Ness from taking the challenge that he owed Mewtwo, knowing, of course, that not only he and Crazy, but all the other fighters would be exhausted after ten consecutive Classic runs – and besides that, the Fighting Mii team took a lot of energy to summon, even for a deity-status Hand.

Ness shook his head stubbornly, clenching his small hands into fists.

"I won't take no for an answer, Master Hand. I'm determined to set a record for the most yet in the Fourth Tournament!"

Crazy Hand twitched slightly before anime-like tears started to drip from its thumb and pinky finger.

"EarthBound child found comatose after an insane amount of Classic Mode runs… Liek if u cri evry tiem."

"As rarely as I agree with my brother, he does have a point. You don't want to burden Dr. Mario with another case after the craziness that happened a while back, right?"

Ness looked down, but did not back off.

"I will try this challenge if it's the last thing I do... Besides, I can forfeit at any time, right?"

Master Hand wrung himself out up and down (which is the Hand equivalent to nodding).

"I sincerely hope you do." He boomed before groaning, then hovering off somewhere to set up this challenge.

Crazy Hand just faced towards Ness for a few moments before vanishing.

Ness was creeped out by both Hands' caveats, but did not wish to still owe Mewtwo for the Threed incident… which was one of the most embarrassing mistakes he had ever made.

 **(…If you want a brief summary, let's just say that Ness used PK Teleport to get to the Fourside stage… but he missed and went to Threed instead, somehow. So, Mewtwo had to use his Psychic power to not only convince the audience that he and Ness were having an intense fight, but out of solidarity, that Ness had won, as the PSI powerhouse fought off zombies and gained enough room and energy to Teleport back to the Smash Complex in a fairly short amount of time.)**

Nevertheless, Ness walked back to his and Lucas' room to discover that his custom button wristband was freshly prepared, to give him an edge and extra strength between runs, switching custom outfits, powers, and equipment when he was allowed to. Everything in order, a nervous Ness walked towards the Special Modes section of the Smash Complex.

…

Mewtwo and Bowser immediately found themselves at a crossroads between two options. They found a frightened Captain Toad holding up a sign that had a kart on it and said, "First Present… if you dare!"

The second, meanwhile, was held by a nonchalant Waluigi, who shrugged as Mewtwo and Bowser read the Super Bell-shaped sign which read, "Second Present… if you dare!" **(You know, I'm starting to sense a pattern here…)** Bowser recognized the Kart insignia, noting a number 8 symbol on the front wheel of the kart image. Mewtwo looked to Bowser with an inquisitive gleam in its eyes.

" _So I'm assuming you have some idea of what these little challenges are? I'm just asking for exposition purposes; I already know which one you'll take."_

Bowser sighed before responding, "Yeah, yeah; psychic, and all. Anyways, the sigh that the first greedy one is holding leads to a Mario Kart 8 track; presumably a tough, land-based one, since I don't see a cannon anywhere – My guess is something like Mario Circuit. As for the path the other greedy one is holding, it leads to a clear Warp Pipe to the Sprixie Kingdom. Plus, the two crowns on the sign mean that that path leads to something called Champion's Road… I'm not sure about all the details, but I've been told on many occasions that it is very difficult."

Mewtwo nodded in comprehension.

" _So apparently, this ordeal is structured a lot like some petty Classic Mode challenge by Master Hand, where we have to go through certain stages to win back a present… I'm assuming that there are 8 in total, so we'd best get going."_

Bowser smirked.

"For once, we agree. And since you don't have any driving experience and I think you keep your hovering capability in the 3D World sector of this universe, at least; I'll be taking the Karting challenge."

Mewtwo jumped once, then hovered in midair for several moments before slowly descending to the ground directly near the clear warp pipe.

" _Indeed. Best of luck, then."_

Mewtwo descended through the pipe before Bowser rushed as quickly as he could down the path towards the Karting track. After the two had disappeared from sight, Captain Toad looked over to Waluigi in confusion and awkwardness.

"So what brought you here, um… what's your name again."

Waluigi just huffed.

"Even though I'm an WAAA-ssist trophy in this game, No-WAAA-dy pays attention to WAAA-luigi!"

Captain Toad just sighed.

"Right, you speak like that… Aaanyways-"

"I talk funny? Your voice sounds WAAA-ful! I s-WAAA-r, you sound like a b-WAAA-t!'

Captain Toad looked down, disheartened.

"So they told you there was going to be gold, too, huh? Guess we've both got tough luck, then."

Waluigi rolled his eyes.

"Gold, shmold. I just WAAA-nt it to be WAAA-luigi time again!"

Captain Toad sighed.

"This is going to be my entire afternoon; isn't it?" he lamented.

… **(Montage Transition 1 initiated! Also, you can bet your funny headlight, Captain Toad.)**

 **(Montage Key: Underline = action; - = brief time skip; Italics = text over the main characters' heads, usually specifying their thoughts.]; *_ * = screen objects)**

The screen shifts to Bowser, about to start the race against 11 other CPUs, in 12th place on the fitting stage of Bowser's Castle **(as per the game logic)**. The look on his face is determined, but also annoyed.

" _8 total challenges, huh? Guess this plan was ripped right out of a Mario game. Kinda lame, if you ask me… but that gives me a hint to who's behind this…"_

Lakitu appeared and began to count down.

3…

2…

" _Boost start, let's go!"_

1…

Bowser shot out of the gates, easily making it to 7th place, but bashed right into the CPU of Pink Gold Peach, who knocked him towards the side and into a wall, bumping him back to 10th before he continued to drive onwards.

" _Curse these stupid weight physics!"  
_

 _..._

Mewtwo looked absentmindedly at the stage in front of him, confused at its scope.

" _Why is a level in a Mario game this big? I'm almost impressed…"_

Mewtwo dashed forwards, jumping and using his hovering ability to avoid the launched cannonballs, crossing the first two gaps with relative ease.

" _I don't quite see how this is difficult… perhaps Bowser is truly as stupid as I originally suspected."_

After going through a clear pipe, he alighted on a platform with three separate Fire Bros. on different levels.

" _So… I guess this world dictates that I jump on their heads? A shame… it lacks flair. At least in my universe, they would-"_

He was cut off as, instinctively, he tried to reflect a fireball with Confusion, but since that power was not there, he was barely able to jump over it, hovering long enough to bounce off the top of the head of the Fire Bro which rained flames upon him.

" _Well… that is, indeed, the very definition of a close call."_

 _..._

Fast forward to Lap 2, where Bowser had managed (through a series of item shenanigans) to successfully take First Place, and was now holding a Sound Horn in his possession. He smirked to himself.

" _This is going perfectly! There is no possible way that I could be-"_

Immediately, he was struck by Lightning, so that his Super Horn disappeared, before a Blue Shell homed in on him, smashing him to pieces before he was Smacked directly in the back by 3 consecutive Red Shells. He was passed by the fifth place CPU, which happened to be Luigi, which gave him a threatening Death Stare as Bowser struggled to keep moving, finally growing back to his normal size before being chomped by Baby Rosalina's Piranha Plant.

" _I don't know why I keep agreeing to join these stupidly frustrating kart racing tournaments…"_

 _..._

Mewtwo had made it to the Magikoopas, pausing to assess the possible danger, before nodding.

 _Not only am I psychic, but I'm good at reading movements._

He then proceeded to jump on two of the Magikoopas' heads, defeating them instantly. As soon as he touched down, he dashed to the left to evade the magic blast of the third, then hovered over exactly where the Kamek look-alike was alighting, jumping off of its head as soon as it appeared, falling through the Mystery Box as soon as it appeared, teleporting to the next location.

 _Well, that was fast._

*Airhorns intensify as MLG green lights splash in and a sign asking to donate to appears for a brief moment.*

...

Items had pushed Bowser back into 10th place, and with a few turns to go, things were looking grim.

 _Come on, RNG! Items plz…_

Coincidentally enough, for the plot's sake, he got a Bullet Bill, which he used to zoom forward several places, rushing through opponents left and right.

 _Alright, 3_ _rd_ _place on the final turn – no way I'm going to take this, right?_

Of course, the plot would not have it, and the most convenient of Blue Shells swerved around the bend, crashing into first and second place in a violent flash. Bowser confidently passed them, slipping into a last-second, First Place finish.

 _I am the lord of items! If only Blue Shells were that well-timed in Smash battles…_

 _..._

 _So… that's it?_

Mewtwo had easily hovered past the challenges presented to him by Champion's Road (since his hover physics, he discovered, were ripped straight from PM… which, in essence, breaks the game). Currently, he was riding through the road to the flagpole, which was a series of consecutively lighting clear pipes. However, as Mewtwo went through the pipes, he noticed a strange pattern in the letters.

 _Huh… this one is shaped like an F… And that one is-_

Mewtwo scowled as he went through the altered pipes.

 _It appears that whoever redesigned this level is completely immature._

 **(End montage 1. Back to the action!)**

Immediately after Bowser finished in 1st place, he was teleported to a stage that nearly matched the course he had just played on, and a familiar voice greeted him.

"So you made it… I'm quite impressed, though I wished the items had messed you up more."

Bowser narrowed his eyes, smirking.

"So you're one of the ones in the coalition, huh? I wouldn't have expected Sega's mascot to be a part of something so serious."

Sonic rolled his eyes before responding.

"Please… I'm only in this for the chili dogs!"

Bowser shook his head.

"Why am I not surprised…"

Sonic shrugged. "Either way, I'm here to stop you from getting further! The Rules of M are automatically invoked on this stage, so you're in a bit of trouble, here?"

Bowser smirked.

"You sure of that? Activating Press R Protocol, Skeletal subroutine!"

Sonic's eyes widened in pure terror.

"I should have thought this throooouuuu-"

 ***The following fight is censored for sheer shrekoning by Dry Giga Bowser.** *****

Sonic vanished after Dry Giga Bowser took his second stock out of four, forfeiting the match early with a panicked call of something that vaguely sounded like, "Elrastart!" Bowser returned to his original size and Fourth tournament form, only to see a small menu in front of him, with a tab that read **Inventory (NEW!)**.

Poking the tab with one of his clawed fingers, he found that two presents were already rescued: Ludwig's and Wendy's. Bowser then clicked the button with an arrow, returning the floating screen to a menu with more buttons: **Retire (PLEASE CLICK!)** and **Return to Central Hub (YOU CAN STILL RETIRE FROM THERE!)**.

Bowser just sighed, faceclawing.

"I can tell they want me to give up, but it's definitely going a bit too far… but at least Mewtwo succeeded."

He pressed the **Return to Central Hub** button, which grabbed him in a burst of light and teleported him away to the place where he and Mewtwo both landed.

As he vanished in a burst of life, a terrified Sonic just shivered.

"This… this is horrible… I won't get my precious Chili dogs! NNNNNOOO-"

...

Bowser appeared in a burst of light as Mewtwo nodded in apparent satisfaction.

" _So you made it… I'm glad I didn't waste my time on a fruitless quest that you would lose immediately."_

Bowser responded with grating sarcasm.

"Yes, because I _obviously_ wanted to fail this challenge… these presents _totally_ don't mean much to me."

Mewtwo just looked at him with unamused eyes.

" _I'm going to casually ignore that and pretend that you didn't just try to sass me for the sake of this mission."_

Bowser nodded slowly, showing a bit of fear for the renowned psychic.

"Right… anyways, how did you get your present so quickly? Champion's Road is supposed to be so difficult–"

" _I breezed through it."_ Mewtwo interrupted. _"And my opponent was Captain Falcon… which should have been tough, except I used psychological warfare."_

Bowser became heavily puzzled by this.

"Psychological Warfare? But… how?"

Mewtwo smirked.

" _Well…"_

 **Begin Flashback:**

" _ **So you made it? H'yes! Finally, a challenger! Down Taunt!"**_

 _ **Mewtwo just shook his head at a grandstanding Falcon.**_

" **Well, you'll have to beat me… except, I'm not really Mewtwo."**

 _ **Falcon paused, taken aback.**_

" _ **Uhhhh, wha…?"**_

 _ **Mewtwo grinned, using its psychic power to make it appear in Falcon's mind that he was, in face, a blue-dressed space waifu with a Luma floating beside it.**_

" **I'm actually Rosalina."** _ **It said, trying to mimic the cosmic princess's voice.**_

 _ **Falcon just paused for a second to process this new information, then shook his head.**_

" _ **Nope nope nope. I told myself. Not gonna fight against Rosalina."**_

 **End Flashback/  
**

" _It appears that 'FalconxFalcon' has had several bad experiences against Rosalina's gimmicks… so he proceeded to self-destruct both times on the 3D World Omega stage."_

Bowser smirked.

"Your tactics are so filthy, they'll need multiple mops to clean it up."

Mewtwo simply rolled its eyes.

" _If you're done attempting to compliment me, we can move on."_

Mewtwo pointed to where a convenient, floating sign was suspended in midair, telling both of them that presents 3-6 were located (if they dared, of course…) onwards, with an icon depicting an SMM with a small hard hat.

Bowser just groaned.

"Oh this is going to be _sooooooo_ much fun." He sarcastically commented.

Mewtwo just looked towards him with annoyance.

" _Playing the question game? That's still too vague for me. I must ask again for exposition purposes: what's going to happen next?"_

Bowser sighed.

"From what I can tell, the next portion is centered around Super Mario Maker – and since it has four theme available, which are the Original, the annoying Stage Play with flying tails, the Yoshi Cape Mario Bros., and the one with functional Rocky cosplays without a Bullwinkle in sight, there will be one stage of each type, which are, presumably, tough."

Mewtwo nodded.

" _Well, we'd best get on with it, then, correct?"_

Bowser dashed towards where the arrow pointed before they were both warped onto a new stage.

Ness was struggling to keep fighting, on his third Classic mode run at this point, barely dodging a direct lunge from the Master Beast with a well-timed PK Thunder II. He blasted off a "PK Fiyaah!" before wiping the sweat from his brow, jumping twice to avoid being launched by Swarm spikes,

" _Please hurry, you guys… I don't know how much longer I can hold out!"  
_

 _..._

 **(Montage transition 2, initiated! Also, the answer to that, Ness, is as long as the plot demands it.)**

Bowser sighed, having been separated from Mewtwo in the warp, starting on a familiar Super Mario Bros.-themed stage.

 _What is this, a world 1-1 recreation? I know this stage like anyone else; it was the first one I had. Pretty simple._

He hit the first block, noting that instead of the expected coin, a vine popped up.

 _Wait whaaaa?_

He jumped to hit the next two blocks, only to find that a Bob-omb and a Boo popped out of their respective blocks.

 _Well, this is certainly going to be vastly different from what I anticipated._

 _..._

Mewtwo found himself hovering inside a Clown Car, his tail now a vibrant red due to absorbing a Fire Flower, and found several flying Spinies barreling towards him.

 _Oh? Is this all this is? An assortment of projectiles and enemies raining upon me like a level from Galaga, or something? How amusing._

Mewtwo hovered around in the Clown Car, spinning around before launching a fireball at a Spiny, knocking it off instantly.

 _360 noscope, fools._

*MLG airhorns and lights return with a vengeance*

...

Bowser was exhausted, finally reaching the pipe after dashing across several floating conveyor belts.

 _Yes! This level is mi-IIIIIIIIII!_

His thoughts were interrupted as he jumped straight over the pipe, forcing him to start all the way back over at the beginning of the conveyor belt system.

 _Can't even get a lick of rest, can I?_

 _..._

Mewtwo had passed through the onslaught of Spinies with little trouble and was now utterly bored.

 _Is that all there is to it?_

Of course, that was when the battle music came on and a wild Flying Bowser Junior Appeared!

 _Oh. Well, then…_

Mewtwo used Fireball Pelt Attack!

Hit 10 times!

Bowser Jr. used Flamethrower!

Bowser Jr.'s attack missed!

Mewtwo used Fireball Pelt Attack!

Hit 10 Times!

Bowser Jr. Fainted!

Mewtwo gained 0 EXP since this isn't the right universe for that!

Mewtwo caually jumped out of the Koopa Clown Car, jumping up to reach the ending block that ended on a 1UP, victory music sounding as he walked offstage, slightly disappointed.

 _Well… that was a breeze. I understand now why Mario always wins._

 _..._

Somehow, Bowser had managed to beat the Super Mario Bros. level and was faced with a deadly new level: a haunted mansion.

 _Well, this can't be too tough, right?_

He watched in silence as Boos with cannons on their backs paused in midflight, actually floating downwards towards him before turning their faces away in shame.

 _Huh. Well, whether or not that's programmed, it's still cool to be treated like royal-_

He was cut off as the Boo bumped into him, decreasing his size.

 _I can see now why Mario has trouble completing these._

 _..._

Mewtwo also ended up inside of a haunted mansion, though its layout was different than the other. Mewtwo swiped its left hand downwards, revealing the menu screen from before to get the level's title.

 _Alpharad's Haunted Mansion, huh? Doesn't sound too difficult._

 _ **-32 lives lost later…-**_

 _I have made a terrible mistake._

 _..._

Bowser finally cleared the final gap, gasping for breath as he jumped off of the back of a Yoshi in an effort to make it towards the top of the goalposts, leaving it just behind the point where he would reclaim it.

 _Yoshi: In the arms of an angel…_

*Sad violin music plays as a Yoshi is left behind. Somewhere, a number of PKSparkxx subscribers scream out in rage.*

Bowser got a 1UP, sighing in relief.

 _Made it! Take that, naysayers!_

Bowser disappeared from the goalposts in a flash of white light.

...

Mewtwo, after losing a couple more lives on attempts, finally made it past the stage, hitting the top of the flagpole. It also disappeared in a flash of light just as springs pushed it down into a chasm with a smiley face made out of coins.

 _Well played, "Alpharad." Well played._

 **(End Montage 2!)**

Both Mewtwo and Bowser found themselves appear on the Mario Maker Omega stage, facing down four separate opponents.

"I hope you're ready for a team battle, gentlemen." A familiar, somewhat distorted voice called out.

"Indeed! Three teams of two apiece… and the victor will leave this stage alive! I hope you're up to the task… because I assure you, we are no idle layabouts." An intelligent voice spoke up.

Mewtwo clenched its right hand into a fist.

" _So… our greatest threat yet, I see… Two teams; the first consisting of Rosalina and Shulk, and the second of Thrush_ **(This is the name – it ties back to ornithology, where some thrushes are confused for robins. #authorisabirdwatcherconfirmed lol)** _and Roy."_

Roy simply grinned. "I assure you that you won't survive my flames for a moment!"

Bowser roared, breathing a bit of fire. "Bring it on, tough guy!"

Shulk interjected, "Now it's Shulk time!"

Everyone just stopped to look at the Monado-wielder in disdain.

" _Such narcissism disappoints me… But let us begin."_

Thrush nodded. "Indeed… I eagerly await this clash of wills!"

...

The battle begun with all four teams appearing on the field (Bowser and Mewtwo were Blue, Shulk and Rosalina were Green, and Roy and Thrush were Red… but Shulk was nearly nude.)

The announcer quickly counted down.

"3…

2…

1…

GO!"

Shulk opened up with a quick, "Back Slash!" Thrush spot-dodged, using a Nosferatu to hold Shulk in place.

"What are you doing? Bowser's your target, not me!"

Shulk shrugged. "But I was really feeling it!"

Thrush facepalmed with his Bronze Sword.

"Now is not the time to mem-"

The tactician was interrupted as Mewtwo grabbed Shulk, throwing him backwards into an unintentional Roy Flare Blade, which was charging on the off-chance that Bowser rolled backwards into it. As were the rules, he was instantly KO'ed, disappearing and leaving Rosalina to fend for herself.

"Well I guess it's time to be shamelessly overpowered!" The cosmos lady yelled before initiating a serious combo… on Roy, in retaliation."

Roy cursed in Japanese before switching back to English.

"What do you think you're doing? It was a mistake, I swear!"

"Well, that's not good enou-"

They had moved to the left side of the stage, where Bowser was charging a Forward Smash.

"Oh-" Rosalina begun.

"YES!" Roy yelled as he countered. However, his Counter came too soon, and Bowser flew forward with full power.

"… NNNOOOO!" Roy yelled a second later as both he and Rosalina were sent flying off the stage, KO'ed.

Bowser looked to Mewtwo, who was in the middle of Forward-throwing a Back Slashing Shulk out of a Shield Grab.

"You know, this fight is awfully easy."

Mewtwo shrugged, jumping into a Shadow Claw, forcing Thrush to recover with an Elwind.

" _I assume it's just lazy writing. Just go with it for now, okay?"_

Bowser nodded, walking up to the tactician, smirking.

"Any last words?" He asked cockily.

Thrush narrowed his eyes, backed into the corner of the stage.

"I see… you force me to use my secret weapon…"

Bowser and Mewtwo looked on in anticipation.

" _It can't be that tough, right?"_

"If you take one more step, I will… Spoil Star Wars episode VII!"

Mewtwo and Bowser both gasped.

"Not The Force Awakens!" they chorused.

Thrush grinned. "So my trump card will-"

However, he was interrupted as Bowser grabbed him with a Side-B, sending them both flying off of the stage together in a Flying Slam.

"N-no! That wasn't supposed to- I mean- HAN IS-"

Thrush's voice was blocked out as both Bowser and Thrush were KO'ed.

The screen blacked out as "GAME!" was shown, revealing that Bowser and Mewtwo (the Blue team) were the winners of the match before both teleported out in a flash.

...

Mewtwo looked at Bowser, sighing as they were automatically teleported to the Central Hub.

" _Well, at least your Bowsercide didn't come with any negative side effects in the long term, right?"_

Bowser looked to be utterly and completely shocked.

"Thrush spoiled the entire movie's secrets to me… my entire existence is upset."

Mewtwo rolled his eyes.

" _Let's just get to the next challenge, oka-"_

"That's enough." Another voice spoke.

Both characters looked in shock to see a third figure standing near them.

"Meta Knight?!" Bowser exclaimed.

Mewtwo eyed the Star Warrior with interest.

 _"Why have you come here?"_ it demanded.

With a flourish of his cape, Meta Knight handed a wrapped box to Bowser, which was immediately added to his inventory.

"I was against this coalition from the beginning, considering its motives were only based on half-truths and suspicions… and besides, I trust Mewtwo almost as much as I trust Lucario. I decided to spare you from the next challenge, especially since Bowser would have to fight me… in our Brawl incarnations."

Bowser visibly shivered at Meta Knight's words. Seeing a reaction this strong from the Koopa King almost shook Mewtwo's ego.

" _Hmm… in that case, we cannot thank you enough."_

Meta Knight nodded his head before vanishing in another twirl of his cape.

Mewtwo smirked.

" _Hmm… the only person whom I owe a favor to… how very intriguing."_

Bowser just nodded.

"Right… so only Bowser Jr.'s present is left, I believe… and I think I know who's guarding it."

Mewtwo nodded.

" _As if it wasn't obvious… let's get a move on."_

Both characters soon vanished in a burst of white light.

...

The duo of characters stood on a familiar stage to: Mario Galaxy. Standing across from them were Mario and Luigi, the true conspirators.

"I don't-a know how you made it this far, but you're-a losing now!"

Luigi nodded shakily at his brother's words.

"Y-yeah, that's-a right! We're gonna win!"

Bowser smirked.

"Oh, I doubt you can stop us, especially in a fair fight!"

Mario rolled his head back, cracking his neck.

"We'll-a see, _Bowser_." He spoke with ferocity.

Mewtwo simply hmmphed.

(Music: The Grand Finale)

"3…

2…

1…

GO!"

Mewtwo dashed out of the gate, Dash Attacking and hitting Luigi back. However, Mario Perfect Shielded the attack, shield-grabbing Mewtwo and beginning to combo his up-tilts. However, Bowser jumped up towards them and used his Fire Breath, only hitting Mario and ending his combo.

" _Good thing team attack's off, or I would be… perturbed."_

Bowser shrugged before going after Luigi, who had just landed on the ground. He rushed at Bowser in a hissy fit **(what I call his dash attack lol)** , but Bowser shielded the attack before shield-grabbing, pummeling once before spinning several times, launching the green-capped plumber upwards before jumping up, hitting him twice.

Luigi air-dodged afterwards, but Bowser anticipated this, jumping above him before Bowser Bomb-ing downwards, sending Luigi flying and forcing him to use his own Super Jump Punch to recover.

Mario tried to dash past Mewtwo, but it constantly jumped with electric aura **(N-air)** to keep Mario out.

"Buzz-a off, you mangy feline! I want-a to fight my nemesis!"

Mewtwo spot-dodged past Mario's Up-B before throwing a galactic flurry of dark energy over his head, hitting Mario upwards, where he used a Shadow Claw to hit Mario back again.

" _Well, you'll have to do better than that."_ Mewtwo remarked.

Mewtwo turned back as Mario hit the ground with a "thwap" **(We don't tech those, apparently…)** to see that Bowser was being comboed from Luigi's down-throw, with the Cyclone and green Fireballs constantly keeping Bowser out. The Genetic Pokémon shook its head as it began to charge a Shadow Ball.

" _He never learns…"_

Bowser, however, managed to touch the ground, using his Whirling Fortress to hit Luigi a couple times.

Mewtwo nodded, pointing at Luigi.

" _Now!"_ it telepathically yelled.

Bowser nodded before grabbing Luigi with perfect timing and beginning to pummel him. Mewtwo fired a fully charged Shadow Ball at Luigi… which sent it back just enough into a Mario Up-Smash headbutt. Mewtwo flew upwards as Mario double-jumped, smashing Mewtwo downwards with his fist, forcing it to "thump" into the ground.

Bowser, however, jumped up and slashed Mario with his claws (since Luigi was KO'ed from the orb of darkness) before drop-kicking Mario off of the stage.

Mario barely managed to recover with the help of his Cape and Super Jump Punch. However, as soon as the red-capped plumber jumped up, Mewtwo followed suit, spiking him down, off of the side of the stage, with a well-timed strike of dark energy.

"GAME!"

Mewtwo and Bowser both vanished in a burst of white energy as soon as their inventory updated. Mario just looked down, disappointed.

"I-a guess… we failed." He lamented.

...

A dazed Ness shuffled down the hallways, escorted by Princess Peach.

"There, there," she comforted, "At least you went eight whole rounds without stopping! I think that's your personal record!"

Ness just groaned, too exhausted and disoriented to care.

Peach smiled. "Now, come on… Master Hand said there would be Christmas cookies and milk in the Main Hall… let's go, okay?"

Ness muttered a vague, "O… keeeeyyyy…" as he continued to stagger onwards.

As soon as the pair made it to the room, they were met with various sounds of shock and awe. Ness looked up from under Peach's arm in amazement.

"So… they actually… did it…"

Peach was more than awed at what she saw – an exhausted Bowser, carrying all eight of his children's presents, standing right by the Christmas tree, with various gossip from the other Smashers.

"Oh my! Wha- what is going on here?"

Master Hand, Bowser, and the rest of the group looked at Peach.

"Well, from what I've been able to gather, Bowser went behind my back to rescue his 8 presents for his kids… which were guarded by Smashers, no less. For that, I'm definitely impressed… And I must apologize for-"

"WOOHOO!"

Everyone looked to the other doorway to see the Koopalings storm in.

"It is midnight…" Ludwig began.

"On Christmas Morning!" Iggy screamed.

"So we want our gifts!" Bowser Jr. demanded.

Master Hand sighed.

"Well, it wouldn't be bad to allow everyone else to open their gifts as well… and we do have milk and cookies… so-"

Crazy Hand teleported in and yelled, "Midnight Christmas Party, everybody! WOOOO!"

The Smashers Cheered, rushing to their gifts in no particular order. All of the Smashers, that is, except for Ness, who just groggily said "Y-yaaaaaayyy…" before collapsing, falling asleep right on the floor. Master Hand just sighed.

"As usual, Crazy, you cause nothing but chaos…"

...

As he newly-begun Christmas party started to go into full swing, Bowser grinned, staring at his children playing with the gifts that they had just opened.  
Ludwig waved around a conductor's baton with a Firaga material embedded in the handle; Wendy gazed at her reflection with her brand-new Shiny Stone necklace; Lemmy was bouncing around on a Rubber Band Ball made with super-special density; Iggy was also bouncing, but on an extra-durable trampoline (to burn off all his energy) as well as toying with a new, shiny wrench; Larry was trying to set up his new DJ set with two CDs: 1 of a Go! K.K. Rider Remix and one of a version of "In The Final"; Morton was miming construction work, sporting a brand new, white hard hat with a Black star (Iggy broke the last one) and a miniature Golden Hammer; while Roy just sat back with a second pair of even larger pink shades (which immediately replaced his current ones).

Bowser, Jr. tore open the wrapping on his package, revealing a peculiar-looking, staff-sized paintbrush that looked vaguely familiar to Junior.

Bowser Jr. ran up to his dad with a smile.

"Papa? This isn't my brush, but what is it?"

Bowser smirked as he responded. "That's an Inkbrush Nouveau, junior. It's from a place called Inkopolis City, but it looks pretty similar to E. Gadd's brush, right?"

Bowser Jr. nodded with a grin before walking away, toting his new brush as good memories of times with his dad came back to him from their adventure in Delfino, all those years ago.

As Bowser once again sighed in contentment, a shamefaced figure walks up to him, wearing a newly obtained Super Bell-shaped Watch.

"Look, Bowser… I never-a thought I'd actually have-a to say this, but… I'm-a sorry."

Bowser sighed, turning towards his nemesis.

"You know, Mario, I'm pretty much used to your accusations at this point. Often, they're well-placed… but this time, it's my kids' first year in Smash… and I thought I'd give them things that they could enjoy here. Just look at them… they're causing a ruckus, but they love their gifts."

Master Hand sighed in frustration as a fireball from Ludwig set Luigi's clothes on fire, which he put out with a snap of his finger before the scaredy-plumber could run around in terror. "They're just lucky I can fix the mansion easily, or else I'd criticize him for the possible damage this could cause."

"So, Mario… I'm going to say… apology accepted."

Mario thanked Bowser, thankful the Koopa didn't hold _this_ adventure against him before walking back to join Peach and the other Mushroom Kingdom-dwellers.

As Mewtwo overheard their conversation, it couldn't help but grin as it mused silently.

" _I probably shouldn't tell him that Bowser's only pausing in his attempts to kidnap Peach for the month of December because he'd get a good behavior discount at the Smashville retail stores… but I'll let them have this moment."_ _  
_

Bowser looked like a proud father for once in his life, a gleam in his eyes upon seeing how his kids were enjoying their gifts all around the impromptu party. Even if his children were brats sometimes, Christmas was the one time he they deserved to be spoiled, in his mind.

…

 **Aaaaand we're done! I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was a bit rushed. I'll be posting my longer Smash Story a bit after this goes up, so I hope you'll read that as well! Thank you again for taking the time to read this, and I hope all of you on Fanfiction have had a Merry Christmas and will have a prosperous New Year!**

 **Until Next time…**

 **This is the Emerald Dynamo, signing off!**


End file.
